Military Time
by murshmallow
Summary: Heero is woken up bright and early by his American friend to indulge in a Dutch past time. one shot. rated M for substance use.


"Buddy." The voice coughed.

I pulled my pillow over my head, drowning out the sound of a relentless hacking.

"BUDDY." The voice tried again.

Against my better judgment, I opened my eyes.

"SO you are awake my friend!" A true sight for sore eyes, eyes that would always remain sore. My American comrade, newly assigned department partner, sir Duo Maxwell. Bane of my existence.

"What time is it..." I grumbled.

"Why Yuy...it is oh-four-hundred and sixteen." He smirked from the foot of my bed.

"How'd you get in here you stinky bastard." I shoved the pillow back over my head.

"C'mon. I'm the only person you know that could get past your chinsy attempt at a security system. Buddy. I wrote this code for you. You paid me minimum wage to do it."

I grunted. There was a reason I had rented a top floor apartment in a high rise while I was stationed in Brussels this spring and summer. In fact, I was glaring right at it.

*Hack hack* said reason coughed.

"What the hell are you doing you Yankee." I wanted to hit him. He was about to set off my smoke alarms with whatever that was. He let out a slow smile that reached his ears as he pointed with his middle finger up at the ceiling, revealing a plastic bag covering my smoke alarm.

"Son of a bitch. We have to report for duty in fifty minutes."

"C'mon Heero. Its Thursday."

"You snoozed my alarm you idiot." I sat up and stripped off my shirt, bastard was about to see a whole lot of angry shirtless former pilot.

"Dude c'mon. Hilde would hate me, forget about Hilde, Relena would kill me. Not like this bro. That's not what I meant when I said bromance yesterday." He pulled a lighter from his pocket and went to work on relighting his indulgence.

"Duo. Please. Not inside."

"When was the last time for you Heero, huh? Was it the last time you hit your head? Last time you plugged in Zero?" his words caught me off guard. I didn't want to admit it, but the idea was starting to tempt me. It had been a long time. It was something I usually saved for Zero system recovery. It had been prescribed by Doctor J. I took a break when I stopped having to plug in to Zero.

But dealing with Duo this morning, and the impending doom of having to sit through our first morning briefing together as partners in less than two hours, felt worse than any anticipation before a mission from J. At least I enjoyed the adrenaline that anticipation gave me.

I'd rather get food poisoning than sit through a briefing with Maxwell at oh six hundred in the morning.

I made an executive decision to snatch it from Duo, and take two quick puffs. I didn't need to cough, because I wasn't a cheeky bastard who broke into their coworker's top floor penthouse apartments, snooze their work alarms, and wake them up by puffing smoke and coughing in their face.

"There, happy?" I handed it back to him, and pulled off my sweats, grabbing my dress pants from dresser.

"DUDE COME ON."

"YOU LOVE IT." I heard myself yell.

The ride over seemed longer than usual. I shouldn't have drove, but we were running late, and I wasn't about to let Maxwell drive. Nah, a snowball had a better chance in hell. I was slow, but I got us there. I can't believe I did it.

The stairs of the Brussels headquarters were empty, surely everyone had arrived for their shifts by now.

We quickly flashed our badges that got us top clearance, and avoided security. The elevator ride had me stewing. I realized as soon as I got in that I had forgotten to shower. Duo's natural stench made it even worse. I wanted to kill him.

 ***FART***

Bastard.

 ***LONGER FART***

"Duo...c'mon man..." I smiled, barely keeping a straight face. This idiot could fart on command.

Now we smelled even worse.

We were five minutes late, but we soon arrived outside of Une's office.

"Good morning Maxwell, Yuy! Glad to see you are arriving together, you'll need to be in sync for your first mission as partners."

We both took our seats in front of Une's desk, Duo's eyes wide. His typical paranoia must have been amplified. I sat as still as I could, and decided, I was better off making direct eye contact with our commanding officer.

"Alrighty, we have your paperwork for the new partnership squared away...physical fitness tests went well for both of you...last but not least!" Une leaned into her desk drawer, and pulled out a bag, slamming it onto her desk with a lightweight, plastic, thud.

"You can give your urine sample in my private bathroom."

 _END!_

 **A/N** ~* sorry in the spirit of what today is for some people, I had to! I do not condone illegal drug use. I just really thought this scenario was funny...really love the idea of a love/hate bromance buddy cop comedy with Heero and Duo. what do you all think? *~

-murshmallow


End file.
